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PART ONE : How Jesus Taught Me to Overcome My Hatred
1 “With My prayers you will not overcome your hatred”
2 See God through Jesus Christ
3 Count down to my repentance
4 What should I search for?
5 Thirst for the Holy Spirit
6 How can I receive the Holy Spirit?
7 With the help of Jesus I ask for forgiveness
PART TWO : How Jesus Taught Me to Forgive
1 Scared to open the Book of Genesis
2 What God said to Adam
3 What the Devil told Eve
4 God never punished Adam and Eve
5 How much the Devil controlled Me!
6 God’s Righteousness
PART THREE : How Jesus Taught Me to Love
1 My Great Fall
2 How I can receive God’s love and Jesus in my Spirit
3 Rubbing Gold
4 People who live for the Lord
5 A mind to Love
6 For what purpose did God create me?
7 If God never punishes
8 Forgive us the wrongs
9 Eternal life
10 Whoever does not believe will be condemned
11 The Last Supper
12 “So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar”
13 A Prayer of Thanks
14 How I can love God
15 Lamenting God
» The Words and Prayer that helped me to love God


Countdown to my repentance
Like many of you, I was not bothered of what strangers and acquaintances thought of me. But I would be deeply hurt when those close to me ditched or avoided me. Natural, you might say. But my pain was unnatural; it was like an eternal dagger in my heart. Like a live coal burning through my soul. But people and their attitudes stopped surprising me when I studied what the disciples did when Jesus was persecuted. What surprised me was Jesus’s response to them.
Jesus and his disciples were together for three years. They lived like a family and worked as a team. They were so close that Jesus saw them as his friends. He frequently reminded them about the coming persecution. During the Last Supper, he washed their feet and told them that one among the 12 would betray him. To Peter, he said, “I tell you that before the cock crows tonight, you will deny me three times.” Peter denied it would happen. To the rest, Jesus said, “This very night all of you will run away and leave me.” They replied they would die for him (Mathew 26:31-35).
But when soldiers arrested Jesus, the disciples fled. From that time onwards Jesus was alone. No disciple or relative spoke for him in front of the authorities. Even when he was wounded and tired, and was struggling to carry his cross, the Romans enlisted a stranger to help him. There was no disciple to help him.
In the Gospels, I read that on the very day of his resurrection, Jesus visited his disciples. The visit was not to curse, punish or destroy them. He reassured them and used the same team to preach the Gospel to the world. He never tried to start a new team.
He even cared for the doubting Thomas, who was not present when the resurrected Jesus first appeared. Thomas told the other disciples, “Unless I see the scars of the nails in his hands and put my finger on those scars and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
A week later, Jesus reappeared when Thomas and the others were together. Jesus told Thomas, “Put your finger here and look at my hands; then stretch out your hand and put it in my side. Stop your doubting and believe!” Thomas answered, “My Lord and My God.” Thomas had faulted twice. But Jesus had only love for him.
Later, Jesus paid a surprise visit to his disciples at Lake Tiberius (John 21). The disciples were still not confident and had gone back to their old job, fishing. Even though they worked hard the whole night they got nothing. Knowing this Jesus said to them, “Throw your net out on the right side of the boat and you will catch some fish.” They threw the net out and struggled to pull it back in, because the net was full. When the disciples came ashore, they saw their master waiting for them with food. I was shaken by this picture of a loving God. He was not a punishing or cursing God as I was taught from my childhood.
Let us come back to my statement about my loved ones hurting me. I also felt guilty when I hurt those who loved me. When Jesus found Peter guilty, he asked thrice, “Simon [Peter] son of John, do you love me more than these others do?” Peter replied, “Yes, Lord.” (John 21:15). With these words, Jesus was removing Peter’s guilt, because he loved his disciple. In Jesus I found a God who was removing my guilt.
After his resurrection Jesus appeared to his disciples several times and talked to them about the Kingdom of God (Acts 1:4). When they came together, he gave them this order: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift I told you about, the gift my Father promised. John baptised with water, but in a few days you will be baptised with the Holy Spirit.”
What surprised me is their response to this order (Acts1:6.). They asked him, “Lord, will you at this time give the Kingdom back to Israel?” Even at that juncture the disciples were only able to dream about a worldly kingdom and not about the heavenly kingdom.
Jesus said to them, “But when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will be filled with power, and you will be witnesses for me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8).
Despite the many betrayals and misunderstandings, Jesus was patient and loving to his disciples. History vindicates his actions, because the team he chose carried the faith worldwide. Personally, I rate people by what they do, and not by what they say. I saw Jesus forgiving and loving. So I had no reason to believe otherwise. I also believe that if the Son was forgiving, so is the Father. In John 10:30, Jesus says, “The father and I are one.”
There was another change in me. I was grateful to God for my financial troubles and business failure. I saw God through Jesus only when I went through trouble. If I had weathered the financial crisis somehow, I would not have seen the Father. It also enabled me to tell other suffering believers to look for God through Christ, and not through their experiences.
In Jesus, I saw a Loving God looking for me.
In Jesus, I saw a loving God waiting for me.
In Jesus, I saw a loving God, who loved to walk with me.