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PART ONE : How Jesus Taught Me to Overcome My Hatred
1 “With My prayers you will not overcome your hatred”
2 See God through Jesus Christ
3 Count down to my repentance
4 What should I search for?
5 Thirst for the Holy Spirit
6 How can I receive the Holy Spirit?
7 With the help of Jesus I ask for forgiveness
PART TWO : How Jesus Taught Me to Forgive
1 Scared to open the Book of Genesis
2 What God said to Adam
3 What the Devil told Eve
4 God never punished Adam and Eve
5 How much the Devil controlled Me!
6 God’s Righteousness
PART THREE : How Jesus Taught Me to Love
1 My Great Fall
2 How I can receive God’s love and Jesus in my Spirit
3 Rubbing Gold
4 People who live for the Lord
5 A mind to Love
6 For what purpose did God create me?
7 If God never punishes
8 Forgive us the wrongs
9 Eternal life
10 Whoever does not believe will be condemned
11 The Last Supper
12 “So if you are about to offer your gift to God at the altar”
13 A Prayer of Thanks
14 How I can love God
15 Lamenting God
» The Words and Prayer that helped me to love God


"See God through Jesus Christ"
As my explorations in the Gospels went on, I struck gold. Despite my financial crisis, I started to see God through Christ. Guidance from Fr Michael helped me understand Christ’s sayings better.
From my childhood I believed God was always with the rich, the powerful and the famous. As these people were considered blessed, I thought God was not bothered about the poor and downtrodden. But when I went through the passage narrating Christ’s birth (Luke 2:8-14), I never found the God that thought I had known. I found a different God. Joseph was not powerful, he was a carpenter. Mary, too, was no princess. Yet God chose them to head the Holy Family. Christ Jesus was not born in a palace, but in a manger. The angels first announced the divine birth not to scholars, but to shepherds. Where was the God of the powerful? And I thought I knew God!
Zacchaeus was a tax collector and never expected Jesus to talk to him. But when Jesus came near the sycamore tree, where Zacchaeus was sitting, he looked up and said, “Hurry down Zacchaeus, because I must stay in your house today.” Even though Zacchaeus was rich and powerful, he was not at all accepted by the elite community. That’s why the word says (Luke 19:7): All the people who saw it started grumbling, “This man has gone as a guest to the home of a sinner!”
Jesus never questioned or rebuked Zacchaeus. Christ loved him and on tasting this heavenly love, Zacchaeus repented. From my childhood I believed God kept a record of my wrongdoings, but my own journey through the Gospels showed me He is no such God. If I had seen the God I thought I knew, I would have run away in fear. But as all my counsellors had said, through Christ I saw a God who had no problems being with and accepting human beings. As I started walking with Christ, I realised what I believed about God was wrong.
Two thousand years ago in Palestine, a woman caught in adultery was to be stoned to death according to the Law of Moses. But when such a woman was brought before Christ, he said, “Who you have not sinned can throw the first stone at her.” The Son showed that the Father never punishes, but only saves. Slowly my opinion about God started changing.
Guided by Christ, I revisited the parable about the prodigal son. My understanding had totally changed this time. Luke 15:20 says, “He was still a long way from home when his father saw him: Seeing his younger son return his heart was filled with pity.” Jesus highlighted again the father’s joy on getting back the son who had squandered all assets entrusted to him. There was no anger or bitterness. Jesus continued, “And he ran, threw his arms round his son, and kissed him.”
For the first time in my life I saw a forgiving and loving God. After being forgiven, the son said: “Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.” The father’s response surprised me further. After all, the boy had declared himself guilty. Jesus said, “But the father called his servants. ‘Hurry!’ he said, ‘Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. Then go and get the prize calf and kill it, and let us celebrate with a feast’.” The Father was celebrating the prodigal’s return. Jesus showed me that my heavenly Father who would celebrate, if I shed my misunderstandings and returned to Him.
During the time of Jesus, people infected with certain communicable diseases were not allowed to come out in public. Lepers fell into that category. When they came out, they had to cover themselves fully and ring a bell to warn people. If a leper saw another person coming his way, he was to move away from the path. People thought God had cursed lepers. They were even stoned. Despite being in that age, Christ heard their cry for help and cured them. If diseases were a curse from God, then the Son of God would not have cured them. This was a new insight for me.
I was also moved by Christ’s affection for children. The Bible says that once when Jesus was sitting with some elders, a few children came to him. Some elders stopped them. What surprised me is that Jesus asked them to allow the children to come and played with them. He told them to learn from the children, because their love was innocent and sincere. Jesus never asked the children to learn from grown-ups, because adults do things for others and expect favours in return. Our love is not at all sincere.
If anybody receives Christ’s teachings in their childhood, it will stay with them for life. That is why Christ asked the elders to send the children to him. During my childhood, if I had realised or been taught that God never punishes but only loves, then I would not have been afraid of the Father.
Jesus was arrested like an outlaw. The high priest tore his clothes. Roman soldiers made a crown of thorns, placed it on his head and put a stick in his right hand to mock him. They knelt before him and taunted him. They spat on him and hit him on the head with a stick. Even though there was no evidence to prove Jesus was guilty, he was sentenced to be crucified. As Jesus staggered with the cross and cried out in thirst, they gave him bitter wine; some texts say vinegar (Mathew 27:34).
In the history of mankind, when a person with money or power is stabbed in the back and goes through difficulties and tragedies, his comeback leaves a trail of vendetta. But Christ’s response was very different. There was no vengeance. On the cross, Jesus prayed, “Forgive them Father! They don’t know what they are doing.” Jesus again proved that God is forgiving and loving.
In Jesus Christ I have never seen a punishing God. After his resurrection Jesus asked his disciples, to proclaim to the world about the loving God he showed them throughout his life.
Though Christ’s death on the cross touched my life, what actually lead to my repentance was his attitude towards his disciples after his resurrection. None of his disciples stood by him during his time of need. Still Jesus loved them and used the same team to proclaim his message to the world. It is this love that touched my heart and led me to repentance.